Type it in

Over that misery, luckily. It was the "be encouraged" advice that totally pulled me back over. And shine, shine with good character. I am so busy lately with playgroup on Mondays, library crafts Tuesday, and open gym tomorrow I hope.

But, it's still September, a week or so left (really, 8 days) 'til October 1st, and I'm just keeping track. Of how much effort I expend in different areas of my life, from cooking to shopping, to saving to patient waiting (alot!), to spirituality and children, and such.

Day 92

In someone's countdown, especially not my own. Wrecked beyond wreckness, insides spilling out...someone there, hey spirit, someone in there? Signing the signs upon the universe's canvas, take the colors, the actions, the moments altogether, finding song.

In retrospect

Looking backwards (where else?) at the risks that were surmountable, you know, playdates and such. Reaching just a tad futher than comfort would advise, not much health in avoiding. Step by step, seems to always be the theme, one moment at a time, yes do it, just do.

Ode to a mother forgiven, agreements to company, visitors, and guests. Heading out to the park with the castle, remember? Entertaining to do until bowling, and such.

Sanctify

Centuries I've waited for this inner vision, the aligned energy to fulfill what humans aren't allotted. What with so many reliable rules, and all. Wouldn't discredit my education for a million lottery bucks, instead. Tapering through it all with the help of some medication. Er, um, uh...meant to say meditation, duh!

An up, a down, and some serious family cookin'. Reliably wandering through motherhood for once, skills intact and again, oh those visions. Pancake breakfasts, concoctions with bacon and eggs, of course muffins. Pizza from scratch, homemade chicken with sauces for dippin'.

Reassembling the me that's gone wanderin', waiting for the landing. Not here but almost.

Ingredients

Grilling mastery, caramel pecan cheesecake to accompany flatbread tacos, spaghetti sauce with enough extra to plan wa-a-ay ahead, I've been there. Today even, when the day won't lure me awake enough, crescent rolls wrapped around chicken and cheese.

Stacks of favorite cookbooks my main comfort, just trying to push my eyes wider open to make the most of the minutes that make up a day. Rise earlier to accomplish more, she says. And when school starts again, those rough waves to ride at the earliest.

Just think about being organized, on top of absolutely everything. They're only young for the shortest of time, believe in it.

Twenty-something year olds

If her belly wasn't exactly a basketball I'd have let her enjoy open gym without my annoying. But her husband was adorable, shy, and their almost two year old was dependent on their union. Having been swept together, I'd guess, with so much potential for happiness, once acceptance arrived to stay.

I ignored him first, because he expected my attention. Let him sit between the worlds I imagined. One where he was free, yup untethered. The other...love of his life, and he'd claimed her. Earlier than maturity would support with good reasons.

So they were a set, and I told her she looked adorable while pregnant. Measuring small? No, always skinny, she apologized like my judgment mattered. This is my fifth, I shared, and with each one I grew wider, I lied. Oh you can't tell, and thirty-six? I'd never....

When the...

Out of order

Until the new one arrives, apparently. Another typical Thursday leaning hopefulesque towards "Endless Mondays" because it would take that four day stretch to reconnect my mind. Oh, I'm existing, and around me family thrives.

While I agonize over blog titles, setting things straight, right-handed typing (the left one gave out), and whatever uphelpful angles I can prioritize. Collapsing into every fear, prejudice, and all the unrewarding fates I can create with my mind.

My mind's doing all the work these days, strutting its know-it-all until I shut it down. Because your time's coming merchant of zero fruit and all-responsibility. To stand in the background where I belong (no Freud's not invited). Sublime.

My world

Best pizza!

Successful moms everywhere strive to have traditional weekend pizza-making sessions, and not just view them on Walmart commercials. Mother's Day eve, happened to be the perfect time to begin our FIRST official night. Delish-us!!!

Attachment issues

I'd be surprised if not having any solid ideas or download-worthy pictures prevented me from at least trying to compile a post filled with nonsense.  I'm at my best when spewing nonsense, because at times thinking needs to be put on hold, lest it becomes arrogance and thinks it's everything.

Back in yer place, thinking brain.  I've followed all of my rituals to the tee, making my second round of Senseo/Stash teas as I wait.  Because somewhere at the bottom of habit, creative brain reigns.  And it is there I'm arriving, just remember.

Meet you.